NEED A LONG, HEALTHY, LIFE LOOKING YOUNGER? HERE’S IT!

This is one issue that if the whole world gets right, then we are on the verge of living in paradise. Forgiveness. It’s some few letter words that is not so easy to establish in the hearts of many, But I’ve seen the opposite (bitterness) chew folks and spit them out! If you ever learn how to forgive in life, not only have you increased your number of years on the face of the earth, but you have joined the team of individuals who want to live healthier and look younger, think about that: A long, healthy, life, looking younger than your age (“I want that please”).

It is true that you are seriously pissed most times (who isn’t), hurt, frustrated, displeased and the list goes on. But if you learn how to let it all go, and move on, then you are lucky!

First, I have to establish that forgiveness is not a once in a life time attitude. It’s not something you put up today and that’s it for the rest of your life. It’s not even something you put up once in a week, not even once in a day! It’s an everyday attitude, and this is about the scary part: IT’s not just once a day attitude; it’s an hourly, secondly, momentarily attitude (Talk about the air you breathe). You forgive the way you breathe air!. I’m only saying that forgiveness is something you do EACH time the need arises.

“WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE?”

AS hard as it may sound, whenever you forgive, you do so for your own good. You do not forgive because you want to help or do a favor to the other person. NO, you forgive because you are doing YOURSELF a BIG favor. I want you to be real now. Think of all the times that somebody hurt you or got you angry etc. How peaceful was your mind?, Do you normally go back home singing, “I feel good..”, or do you go back thinking over and over again, trying to analyze what was done to, why the person has to do that, how much of your ego that has been lost, etc?. Now, I said be real. If you are real you KNOW that each time someone steps on your toes and you are angry, sad or hurt and don’t forgive, first you lose YOUR PEACE. Now one of the attributes of peace is that it relaxes your entire body. It puts your body in a mode that allows the proper functioning of your entire organs. It takes away tension. Note that losing your peace doesn’t in anyway solve the problem or affect the person that hurt you. It totally affects you, so while you are bothering your life about this individual that dealt with you so badly that you can’t forgive, you are double-attacking yourself because to every other thing that was done to you, you are adding a crushed and troubled spirit that will result in you having ulcer, high blood pressure, depression, low-self esteem, etc (If you think I’m lying, ask your doctor!).

Get that pain off!

Having known that what helps us is when we know that the person that hurt us did so unconsciously, how then can one really get over hurt easily?
GIVE YOURSELF TIME: Time heals more than the best medicines ever. With a broken heart? just know that with time, you are definitely going to get over it. I have experienced this. I had a terrific bonding with my grand daddy (‘cos I grew up with him); he was in fact, my hero. I loved him so much and he loved me so much that each time I watch him grow old and realize he would go one day, I couldn’t in any way accept it. But then it happened, he died! His death was the first ever hurt, brokenness and sadness I ever knew. I just convinced myself that I can’t take it. I already knew my life was gone wacko (or so I thought). I cried for days, weeks and months, till he was buried. After his burial, I still sneaked into the rest room every now and then to cry over him. After a while, I realized something; the tears weren’t coming again! Try as I may, they don’t just come. Then I found out that the wound has been healed. No more tears for grand daddy, ‘cos he’s gone and that is it. It took time for me to get that.

ACCEPT THE FACT: Don’t ever try to deny yourself of the fact that you were hurt. I mean, accept it as reality that the deed has been done and that you are not in some kind of dream or fantasy. He left you for another girl? Even after you have said “I can’t believe it!” Dearie, still believe it. This is because once your mind accepts and understands the reality of what has been done, it will then device a means of getting over it, but as long as you still convince yourself that it’s some nightmare you’ll wake up from, you’ll live with it.

FORGIVE: Even when it’s so obvious that you were deliberately hurt, FORGIVE! Yes, forgive. I’m not going to dwell on this ‘cos forgiveness is the next issue I’ll deal with, so keep a date. This is ‘cos forgiveness is no easy thing so I’m not just going to rush over it, but once you forgive, your wounds heal.
Keep a date….

Hurt-How best to handle it

Hmm... I have been hurt so many times and I know I'm not solo here. It has happened to you I know. As long as there are people around us, hurt is so inevitable. As long as relationships exist, we cannot run away from hurt. So the question is, how do we get over it since we can't get away from it?

One thing to remember is this: Most times we get hurt, it's not deliberate. I mean, it's not really a conscious act by the other person to hurt us. This is very important to note because, I have come to realize that what really hurts us when we are hurt is the fact that the other person willingly and knowingly hurt us. This is possible I know, but sometimes, we have to think outside that. Everything in life has a two side to it, so how about the other side that says that the person DID NOT DELIBERATELY hurt us. I have found out that it is easier to get over hurt when we reason in that direction. Not only is it a way of getting better, but it's a fact: Some persons DO NOT hurt us deliberately. Here are a few ways we can get to understand this:
REASON #1: TEMPERAMENT: This is the trait that everybody is born with. It is an inherited trait that comes with so much weaknesses and strengths. I'm not going to be discussing the different types of temperament but basically, there are four basic temperaments and several blends: Sanguine, choleric, melancholy and phlegmatic (You can research more about the temperament type). Now with your knowledge about the different temperament types, you’ll see that most people do what they do or treat us the way they do, just because they are living out who they are! They are just being them. This is because every human being exhibits strengths and weaknesses, now depending on the side we see most, we tend to term some people good or bad. So, that person that hurt us was simply exhibiting the negative side of him/her and did not just wake up one morning and said “You see Mr. A, I’m going to deal with him so much that he’ll wish to die”, NO! He was just being him. Again, think about the fact that YOU, and I mean YOU, have your own weaknesses and MUST have hurt someone else without knowing, so let it go!
REASON #2: BACKGROUNGS: Some people have a completely different background from you, so don’t expect them to behave just exactly like you. Most times, we expect so much from people, without understanding where they are coming from, and when it doesn’t work out, we cry out “Oh, he has hurt me,; how can she be so mean; what kind of person is this?” Well, sadly, we have made someone else say just exactly the same thing about us, because without proper understanding, we must have friction with people of different background with us.
REASON #3: BELIEFS AND GENERAL WORLD VIEWS: People have different beliefs about life and the more we understand that, the better for us, because we won’t compel them to reason like us.
These are a few reasons why we have to understand that only few people deliberately hurt us. What we have is simply a clash of backgrounds, weaknesses, ideas and therefore should be able to get over it quickly.