NEED A LONG, HEALTHY, LIFE LOOKING YOUNGER? HERE’S IT!

This is one issue that if the whole world gets right, then we are on the verge of living in paradise. Forgiveness. It’s some few letter words that is not so easy to establish in the hearts of many, But I’ve seen the opposite (bitterness) chew folks and spit them out! If you ever learn how to forgive in life, not only have you increased your number of years on the face of the earth, but you have joined the team of individuals who want to live healthier and look younger, think about that: A long, healthy, life, looking younger than your age (“I want that please”).

It is true that you are seriously pissed most times (who isn’t), hurt, frustrated, displeased and the list goes on. But if you learn how to let it all go, and move on, then you are lucky!

First, I have to establish that forgiveness is not a once in a life time attitude. It’s not something you put up today and that’s it for the rest of your life. It’s not even something you put up once in a week, not even once in a day! It’s an everyday attitude, and this is about the scary part: IT’s not just once a day attitude; it’s an hourly, secondly, momentarily attitude (Talk about the air you breathe). You forgive the way you breathe air!. I’m only saying that forgiveness is something you do EACH time the need arises.

“WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE?”

AS hard as it may sound, whenever you forgive, you do so for your own good. You do not forgive because you want to help or do a favor to the other person. NO, you forgive because you are doing YOURSELF a BIG favor. I want you to be real now. Think of all the times that somebody hurt you or got you angry etc. How peaceful was your mind?, Do you normally go back home singing, “I feel good..”, or do you go back thinking over and over again, trying to analyze what was done to, why the person has to do that, how much of your ego that has been lost, etc?. Now, I said be real. If you are real you KNOW that each time someone steps on your toes and you are angry, sad or hurt and don’t forgive, first you lose YOUR PEACE. Now one of the attributes of peace is that it relaxes your entire body. It puts your body in a mode that allows the proper functioning of your entire organs. It takes away tension. Note that losing your peace doesn’t in anyway solve the problem or affect the person that hurt you. It totally affects you, so while you are bothering your life about this individual that dealt with you so badly that you can’t forgive, you are double-attacking yourself because to every other thing that was done to you, you are adding a crushed and troubled spirit that will result in you having ulcer, high blood pressure, depression, low-self esteem, etc (If you think I’m lying, ask your doctor!).

Get that pain off!

Having known that what helps us is when we know that the person that hurt us did so unconsciously, how then can one really get over hurt easily?
GIVE YOURSELF TIME: Time heals more than the best medicines ever. With a broken heart? just know that with time, you are definitely going to get over it. I have experienced this. I had a terrific bonding with my grand daddy (‘cos I grew up with him); he was in fact, my hero. I loved him so much and he loved me so much that each time I watch him grow old and realize he would go one day, I couldn’t in any way accept it. But then it happened, he died! His death was the first ever hurt, brokenness and sadness I ever knew. I just convinced myself that I can’t take it. I already knew my life was gone wacko (or so I thought). I cried for days, weeks and months, till he was buried. After his burial, I still sneaked into the rest room every now and then to cry over him. After a while, I realized something; the tears weren’t coming again! Try as I may, they don’t just come. Then I found out that the wound has been healed. No more tears for grand daddy, ‘cos he’s gone and that is it. It took time for me to get that.

ACCEPT THE FACT: Don’t ever try to deny yourself of the fact that you were hurt. I mean, accept it as reality that the deed has been done and that you are not in some kind of dream or fantasy. He left you for another girl? Even after you have said “I can’t believe it!” Dearie, still believe it. This is because once your mind accepts and understands the reality of what has been done, it will then device a means of getting over it, but as long as you still convince yourself that it’s some nightmare you’ll wake up from, you’ll live with it.

FORGIVE: Even when it’s so obvious that you were deliberately hurt, FORGIVE! Yes, forgive. I’m not going to dwell on this ‘cos forgiveness is the next issue I’ll deal with, so keep a date. This is ‘cos forgiveness is no easy thing so I’m not just going to rush over it, but once you forgive, your wounds heal.
Keep a date….

Hurt-How best to handle it

Hmm... I have been hurt so many times and I know I'm not solo here. It has happened to you I know. As long as there are people around us, hurt is so inevitable. As long as relationships exist, we cannot run away from hurt. So the question is, how do we get over it since we can't get away from it?

One thing to remember is this: Most times we get hurt, it's not deliberate. I mean, it's not really a conscious act by the other person to hurt us. This is very important to note because, I have come to realize that what really hurts us when we are hurt is the fact that the other person willingly and knowingly hurt us. This is possible I know, but sometimes, we have to think outside that. Everything in life has a two side to it, so how about the other side that says that the person DID NOT DELIBERATELY hurt us. I have found out that it is easier to get over hurt when we reason in that direction. Not only is it a way of getting better, but it's a fact: Some persons DO NOT hurt us deliberately. Here are a few ways we can get to understand this:
REASON #1: TEMPERAMENT: This is the trait that everybody is born with. It is an inherited trait that comes with so much weaknesses and strengths. I'm not going to be discussing the different types of temperament but basically, there are four basic temperaments and several blends: Sanguine, choleric, melancholy and phlegmatic (You can research more about the temperament type). Now with your knowledge about the different temperament types, you’ll see that most people do what they do or treat us the way they do, just because they are living out who they are! They are just being them. This is because every human being exhibits strengths and weaknesses, now depending on the side we see most, we tend to term some people good or bad. So, that person that hurt us was simply exhibiting the negative side of him/her and did not just wake up one morning and said “You see Mr. A, I’m going to deal with him so much that he’ll wish to die”, NO! He was just being him. Again, think about the fact that YOU, and I mean YOU, have your own weaknesses and MUST have hurt someone else without knowing, so let it go!
REASON #2: BACKGROUNGS: Some people have a completely different background from you, so don’t expect them to behave just exactly like you. Most times, we expect so much from people, without understanding where they are coming from, and when it doesn’t work out, we cry out “Oh, he has hurt me,; how can she be so mean; what kind of person is this?” Well, sadly, we have made someone else say just exactly the same thing about us, because without proper understanding, we must have friction with people of different background with us.
REASON #3: BELIEFS AND GENERAL WORLD VIEWS: People have different beliefs about life and the more we understand that, the better for us, because we won’t compel them to reason like us.
These are a few reasons why we have to understand that only few people deliberately hurt us. What we have is simply a clash of backgrounds, weaknesses, ideas and therefore should be able to get over it quickly.

Love- A lifestyle

Love, its such a big word that amazes me when I hear people use it frequently and carelessly. The love I am talking about is not just the "I love you" a man tells his girl or a husband to his wife and vice versa. It's the love that is a life! It's not just a feeling.
It's pretty funny when you hear someone say "Oh I love him so much and how I know? Wow,the goose pimples I get when I seen him, then my heart skips a beat!" Hmmm...word! Not a bad feeling I guess, but the love I am talking about is not a feeling! It's a life. It's the one that forms a lifestyle, an attitude in you. It's the one that makes you look out for the other person, not because you have to, but because u WANT to. It's the selfless kind of living that makes you to put yourself at a risk for the other person's sake. The love I mean is the patience and kindness you show to the other person who doesn't care. Its the absence of envy, pride, jealousy. That thing that makes you unable to be rude, irritable, touchy and to hold grudge. The life that makes it difficult for you to even notice the other person's weaknesses and makes you never to be glad about injustice, but to rejoice over truth. The love that brings out the loyalty in you over another, even though the person doesn't deserve it. The one thing that makes you to believe in the other person, always expecting the best from him and standing your ground in defending him.
That, is love. The love that is a life. The love that forms your being. Just imagine everybody around you loving this way. Cool right? Well, I know you want to be loved like that, but it begins with you! YOU start loving this way and others will love back at you because whatever you want more of, you give it away!

Managing ur Anger- Slipping off!

I'll be sharing on something I do that have also worked for me. That's 'slipping off! I use that when I'm with extremely unbearable persons that I can't do anything about. Talk about the nagging boss, parents and your superiors generally.Those people u can't afford to look around when they are talking to u because they have an authority over u. So, they stand u in front of them and pour out those cutting words on u. Those words that make u feel so bad and angry that u want to slice off their throats!, but hey, he's your boss and u need your pay check like oxygen! So what do u do? Simple-SLIP OFF! (In your mind sweetheart).

Its funny and a bit crazy, but it works. I've done that a hundred times ( I stay with my grand mum and u don't want to know how she nags!) Simply fix your gaze on the person and take a trip to your wonder land baby. Think of the best moments u ever had in life ( try not to smile though, U wouldn't like what will happen). Just DON'T LISTEN! U'll definitely HEAR, but don't listen. They are two different things. U'll HEAR because u are not deaf, but u are not listening because u are not paying attention!. Remember, u're not going to look around (that's disrepectful to your boss), but do the mind thing honey. Get your mind off the environment and by the time he's through, u come back (call me naughty, but hey, one has to do what one has to do). Tell him u are sorry for all he said u did and give him a 'Thank u' plus a smile. Believe me, u have succeeded in shielding off some effects from the words. U will still feel it, but not as much as if u had paid full attention. That way, U can put up with the most unbearable persons and live your life happier, better and lovelier. That is what I want and know u want that too: A beautiful life- No stress especially, on my emotions.

Ever been angry? That's a Yes! I know. Anger is that feeling you get when someone or something gets at you so much that you react in a way that you would not have reacted normally. Most times ofcourse, it's a negative reaction.
Its not really bad that we get angry, (anybody who claims he doesn't is telling nice, but unbearble lies!), but the problem's how we react to it. Everybody gets angry, but the reaction produces the classification of some as hot-tempered, quick-tempered, even-tempered, etc.
So, what do you do when that person, I mean, that nagging colleague in the office makes that thing in you to snap so badly that you can literally feel yourself breaking? Is it to shout immediately or keep quiet and later plot revenge, or simply ignore?
You see, I used to be on the hot-tempered list. You dare me, I burn you! With my mouth ofcourse. Later I thought, "okay, the mouth thing's bad, so I'll keep quiet", but I end up plotting a revenge and having the whole piled up anger burst out over a little thing. So I realized shouting immediately or reserving the anger doesn't work and that's how I discovered the few things I'll be sharing in this 'Managing your Anger' series.
First is 'Switching your mind to the 'Diversion Mode'. This is the time you have to take a look around for the smallest thing to take your mind off when faced with those situations that would upset you greatly. It could be from a print on a T-shirt to a nearby newspaper headline, down to the colour of the room you're in. Just anything that can quickly divert your attention. I remember one of those days when I was so pissed off by my best friend, I looked around and all I saw was a coca-cola can. I picked it and was going through the ingredients, then I saw water-H20. That reminded me of my first day in a chemistry Laboratory when I was performing the titeration experiment and I drank a pretty large quantity of base! That memory made me laugh so much and by the time I thought of all my friend said to me, I discovered I have calmed down to some extent! This is just an instance of how very little things can make you wander off and thus, divert your mind away from your source of anger.
Next is...Slipping off....Keep a date.

Creating your own happiness

Being happy is something that is YOUR responsibility. Do you think you have to be happy because things are moving on fine?, you have everything under control? A fat bank account, nice home, great husband or wife, wonderful kids, great boss at the office plus a good job that gives u a fat pay-check at the end of the month, etc? These are NOT where your happiness should depend. Hey, they are sure perfect reasons to be happy, I mean, who doesn't want those, but it should not be where your happiness lies. They are two different thing you know. Having your happiness lie on external factors like those, means that if they are not going fine, then you loose it! (your happiness). That is why YOU have to CREATE your own happiness! Yes, be the person to determine if and when you have to be happy. Those external factors are not dependent on you. They are dependent on other people and your environment I mean, if your husband or wife or kids decides to change or piss you off on a particular day, what can you do about it? If your boss in the office becomes a nightmare to you, what can you do? The thing is, there are some cases you can't really change. It's not every time that you have things UNDER CONTROL, sometimes they DO GET OUT OF CONTROL and at such times, the result is you get sad. I just explained what happens to us, why some of us wake up one day and we feel so on top of the world and other days, you don't even wish to get out of the bed. In creating your own happiness, you are telling yourself that whether or not every other thing goes right or wrong, you can make your self happy. So, creating your happiness is finding that something you do that gets you on top of the world. That one thing is your 'soul mate'. Most times, all we have as soul mates are human beings, which are external factors that we don't have full control over. But I'm talking about SOMETHING that gets you going each time you do it or you think of it. I have a pretty silly 'soul mate' like that, my little secret, but will share it. When I discovered it, believe me, it was so stupid, but very helpful. My soul mate?-Counting ceiling boards! (feeling shy :) ) But anyway, that's it. I just lie down on my bed at those 'melancholic' nights, you know, the sad times and start counting my ceilings. Another of my soul mate's drawing! From 'Tinky-winky,' to 'Winnie-the-poo,' to 'cramp twins'. Yea, sounds childish huh? But that's why kids are always happy in their world,-The things they do. Well, you don't have to be like me, but all I'm saying's that, your 'soul mate', I mean what will make you happy might be so odd and silly, you'd feel so stupid, bit it doesn't matter, JUST DO IT! The most important thing at the end is that U'R H-A-P-P-Y! Kisses...

Complaining? IT NEVER WORKS!

Hey, before I go on. I will like you (If you have not) to take a look at the previous posts so you can understand what I am about to say now. Well, who never complains? I guess all of us are guilty of that. You know, we have done that at one point or another. So I want to look at it today. Is it really worth it? I mean, does it change our situation for good or makes us feel better? or Is it some sort of bad habit that we need to push off? Complaining, from my experiences, adds nothing to the situation, I mean nothing positive. Ofcourse, it can add something, like shooting your blood pressure, giving you wrinkles and the rest of it (You sure don't wanna have those!). All I'm saying's that, If you want to live, seeing the brighter side of life at most times, living a happy life most of the times, then one bad habit you gotta kick in the butt is complaining. Something I have discovered also, is that the moment I quit complaining about the things I don't have and start being grateful for the things I have, then things start falling into place! Yes, they do. So why complain? Matter of fact, it doesn't change your situation, so give it up. You know, I have problem with putting my foot down and doing something that DOES NOT IN ANY WAY profit me, and I know a whole lot of people are like that so, if it is not profitable, then DON'T DO IT! Think about it...

Pasts are pasts! (2)

Talked about understanding that our mistakes are just something to learn from and move on and not something to keep us in self-pity forever. Now, Just want to continue a little bit from that. When you have understood that your mistakes in the past are some sort of stepping stone to you and not stumbling block, then try to see the brighter side of life.Want to talk about what I call my One-Percent-After all. Are all things SEEMINGLY turning against you?. I used the word- SEEMINGLY 'cos ALL things NEVER really turn against us. It's just that most of the times, we have PARTICULAR things that we feel are supposed to be right. And when they are not right, it SEEMS EVERYTHING is against us. But the moment we stick our head out of that one thing we want and look at other things, we see that SO MANY other things are ACTUALLY working for us. So it's like this: 99 percent of a whole lot of stuffs might seem to be wrong to us, but there is one-percent that is right after all. Your problem may be your kids, but you have a husband, a nice job and some good friends to be grateful about (for instance). To some other persons, it could be their husband, but the kids are there, the nice friends are there, etc.
Today, I want you to decide to see at least one more reason why you shouldn't kill your self with self pity or why you shouldn't be sad and be grateful for it. There's always ONE-PERCENT_AFTERALL...

Pasts are Pasts!

Do you know your pasts are really pasts?. Who you were yesterday cannot determine who you will be tomorrow if YOU don't allow it. So many of us have made mistakes in the past, but we let it roll. A mistake is a mistake, you just need to learn what you have to learn and move on! So if you are still mourning over a very terrible mistake you made in the past, its time to let go honey. Just sit down right now and think of the lessons you are supposed to learn from it so IT DOESN'T HAPPEN AGAIN. When you 've done that, realize that no matter how you cry over it or pull yourself into self pity, YOU CANNOT CHANGE IT and I repeat YOU CANNOT CHANGE IT!, so why kill yourself over a spilt milk? Think of it!

So, what r u lettin' go?

Hey, said something about letting go right? So what is it u ve to let go? Those bad pasts! U ve been hurt? U ve been battered? U ve been abused, used n dumped? let it go! I know it is not easy, so that is why u ve to keep a date with this blog to find out how...luv u

Let it go!

I'm going to start a series I call 'Let it go!', 'cos I discoveed that for us to live a truly happy life, there are things we can't afford to take along with us....

Create your own happiness!

The first thing I want to share about living a happy life is being able to create your own happiness. Relying on your external environment to make you happy is one sure way of being so unhappy. The reason is 'cos we have different people around us that probably find it difficult to understand us, every other thing around us is as well subject to change either for good or for bad, so when we rely on them for our happiness, they can fail us at any time! so YOU discover that thing that makes you happy and do it each time you get that feeling that you are about to go on the 'low' side....

Want to live a happier life?, This is how!

I 've always wondered, is it possible for one to be happy all the time, irrespective of the situation, moreso in a world like ours with so much not-too-pretty stuffs happening? Well, the answer is a big YES! Keep a date with me and learn how...